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~CheonHoPark:iconCheonHoPark:

Kyle  
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- Therapy -~ Therapy ~   
Being open & honest I see the problem   
now I am facing my fears   
changing my attitude & behavior   
releasing the pain & guilt   
my inner healing has finally begun. - Therapy -
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The hot days of summer...

Journal Entry: Tue Jul 8, 2008, 4:09 PM
  • Mood: Noble
And it has been a very short but an extremely self-transforming one...

A lot has happened and it was nothing any of you would have expect.

Inside I have been struggling, you may not know that but I have been.

I managed to keep this secret for some time, hidden to close quarters.

But my identity got lost somewhere in the amidst that took everything away, the true joy, the real support, the real love, the real god, and everything. I lost all motivation, and purpose. I became a drone. A tired enslavement.

Finally I have got myself some help with support from my family

I knew this was going to be happen and I would too had to confess... it was very hard, but bravery has proved its forthright.

Talking to the therapist has helped somewhat, but I hoped to be prescribed medication in the future. With my new constant drive to think positive and become the loving individual I always wanted to be I can finally feel self-empowerment rather then hate, anger, and loathing.

Inside I struggled, alone, and restless, no one understood me. I knew I had to change to face the real problem. I knew all the problems I had, I done a lot of research yet never took any action for change. I see my reason for motivation.

Some people do not understand why people act the way they do, and many times you won't. But there is still that drive, that motive. And I continue to do so.

Enough of this black and white thinking. Enough of the labeling, enough of the sadness, pain, and suffering. I do no longer want to live in this hell and prison I find myself in.

I must be an individual and become my own, away from my brother I no longer relate myself with.

I am creating me. Life will always be a battle, you can never transform and become a better person through submission and relaxation. Fight the anxiety, fight the depression, be true to only yourself. This is who I am. Do not become one. It may be difficult but through challenges and overcoming them is the true reason for pride and contentment.

Change may be hard and difficult and lonely at times.

But I must be brave in order to change. I am not the addict, I am not the scum of the earth. I have control. I am here to control me.

There is no reason to beat yourself up over the little things, accept the criticism and let the maturity come to you. I can no longer avoid and run away from my problems. People will not come and save you but they are willing to help you. This will help serve purpose in your esteem, individuality, and identity.

I believe if I enter the psychology field I can find my true answers, my inner peace.

To help other people, with the toxic mind I too had suffered from is my dream.

This is what I would like to be remembered as when I die: To study the mind that has no exact answer; To gain this knowledge that inside I knew I already had spiritual insight.

This may not only help save the greater good, but also myself.

To die as a decent, hard working man.

But I still need to learn to be nice to myself, accept myself who I am and what I did. It will not be easy, but I am thinking more positive.

I now know I am on the right path and that God shall lead me on my own unique path.

Still, as I get back on my feet, I am slowly finding myself and creating myself.

The healing process... has finally begun...

Thank you for your time reading this memo.

Sincerely,

Kyle Balitz

5 Comments | Previous Journal Entries

Devious Information

  • Current Age: 21
  • Current Residence: Minnesota, USA
  • Interests: Final Fantasy, Drawing/Photoshop, Piano, Video Game Design & Computers & Technology
  • Favourite movie: Jet Li: The One, Hero, Fantasy VII: Advent Children, Spirited Away & Lord Of The Rings
  • Favourite band or musician: Disturbed, System of a Down, Hurt, Pearl Jam, Joe Hisaishi & Nobuo Uematsu
  • Favourite genre of music: Rock, Game Music, Anime Music & Asian Music
  • Favourite artist: Salvador Dali, Tetsuya Nomura, Yoshitaka Amano, Naoki Kataki, Fumito Ueda & Hayao Miyazaki
  • Favourite poet or writer: Game Informer Magazine
  • Favourite style of art: Dark Fantasy, Horror/Macabre, & Realism
  • Operating System: Computer Dell Window XP
  • MP3 player of choice: Microsoft 30 GB Zune
  • Wallpaper of choice: Final Fantasy X Desktop Theme
  • Favourite game: Squaresoft/Square-Enix: Final Fantasy Series
  • Favourite gaming platform: PlayStation (1 & 2)
  • Favourite cartoon character: Final Fantasy VIII - Squall Leonhart
  • Personal Quote: ~ The Path to Recovery ~ I am being me, and me only. This is where my true happiness lies.
  • Tools of the Trade: Game Development & Design, Drawing, Photoshop, Piano, & Computers

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Devious Comments

~CheonHoPark:iconCheonHoPark: Jul 14, 2008, 1:40:10 PM
Hey thanks for stopping by!

--
When you feel like shit, take action, and move on.
=nxxos:iconnxxos: Jul 12, 2008, 10:25:01 AM
:iconsombreroplz:
:iconnxxos::iconfaveplz:
:iconstickmandancingplz:

--
The early bird catches the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
~grassman-teko:icongrassman-teko: Jul 11, 2008, 10:08:32 PM
hey..watched ur video on you tube...incredible..!!!!
~CheonHoPark:iconCheonHoPark: Jun 22, 2008, 12:15:28 PM Mood: Joy
Wow, really??

Haha then its nice to meet you!

--
When you feel like shit, take action, and move on.
~yoojeong:iconyoojeong: Jun 22, 2008, 5:23:03 AM
no problem, Kyle!
I've known you& your brother from youtube.. haha even before i knew Charles. heh!~^^
~crazyvietness:iconcrazyvietness: Jun 1, 2008, 9:28:26 AM
i don't have a full family pix..so yeaa

but i guess that could represent something,

thanks for the insight =]

--
MUCHO LOVE from SHORTYxFM
~CheonHoPark:iconCheonHoPark: May 26, 2008, 8:55:34 PM
Hey hey, thanks for stopping by!

Yes I can send you the sheets, but I will need your email =)

--
When you feel like shit, take action, and move on.
~savedaugust207:iconsavedaugust207: May 26, 2008, 4:55:49 PM
uNGODLY DUDE i just saw ur 1 winged angel video on utube!

Not sure if people ask this from u all the time.. but do you have sheet music on that amazing piece you play??
~HollowRiku:iconHollowRiku: May 25, 2008, 3:17:13 AM
Hi cheon! Didn't know you had a DA account too *_*

--
"To gain something, one must sacrifice something of equal value"
"It's the Law of Equivalent Exchange"
-----
[link] :teddy:
~Luizalenora:iconLuizalenora: May 21, 2008, 4:16:04 PM
Oh my, thanks! That's the most fantastic compliment that I've ever had ^^

--
I'm just a Brazillian girl with bad english and poor art, but whatever... let's dance!
~CheonHoPark:iconCheonHoPark: May 21, 2008, 3:07:02 PM
Oh well then... so you brought all the elements together into an idea... that means you are a great graphic designer =D

--
When you feel like shit, take action, and move on.
~HewieBelli:iconHewieBelli: May 17, 2008, 10:52:49 AM Mood: Joy
Hihi~~Cheon!thanks for visit my account!hehe^^ how are you??any latest upload on youtube?love to hear you play piano~supporting you!always..[link]
Joy

--
[IMG][link]
Follow the notes upon the journey,At first sight marks one's destiny,Once he voyage come to an end,Return lies with in hasty keys.
~Luizalenora:iconLuizalenora: May 17, 2008, 9:15:39 AM
Oh but I didin't modelled anything... just bought the elements and composed the scene ^^ you can say that I'm a great 'composer' hehehe

thansk again!

--
I'm just a Brazillian girl with bad english and poor art, but whatever... let's dance!
~CheonHoPark:iconCheonHoPark: May 16, 2008, 10:08:52 PM
You a great 3d modeler, the textures are very well executed too

--
When you feel like shit, take action, and move on.
~Luizalenora:iconLuizalenora: May 16, 2008, 6:19:58 AM Mood: Love
Thanks for adding ';Protective' to your favorites!

--
I'm just a Brazillian girl with bad english and poor art, but whatever... let's dance!
~Technicaldrawing:iconTechnicaldrawing: May 16, 2008, 1:45:56 AM
You're welcome. Keep up the good work. :)
=arwenpandora:iconarwenpandora: May 16, 2008, 1:11:26 AM
:hug: thank you very much

--
(As Mick is leaving)
Mick: I would recommend not going into the office.
Beth: Okay
Mick: Okay… Or upstairs. Or through the grey door
Beth: Wow, this all sounds so Alice in Wonderland!
Mick: Beware of the bottles that say drink me, okay?

moonlight
~CheonHoPark:iconCheonHoPark: May 16, 2008, 12:07:16 AM
I love the new Joker!

Great realistic drawing =D

--
When you feel like shit, take action, and move on.
=arwenpandora:iconarwenpandora: May 15, 2008, 11:01:37 PM
thank you very much for faving why so serious?? :hug::XD:

--
(As Mick is leaving)
Mick: I would recommend not going into the office.
Beth: Okay
Mick: Okay… Or upstairs. Or through the grey door
Beth: Wow, this all sounds so Alice in Wonderland!
Mick: Beware of the bottles that say drink me, okay?

moonlight
~CheonHoPark:iconCheonHoPark: May 9, 2008, 8:44:54 PM
Your welcome, you look at lot like tifa!

--
When you feel like shit, take action, and move on.
~vanaseph:iconvanaseph: May 9, 2008, 5:38:59 PM
Thank you for the fav! eekk!

--
VStephens.
~CheonHoPark:iconCheonHoPark: May 8, 2008, 11:20:47 AM
Hey you, haven't seen you awhile. I have been very busy with school. Game design classes require a lot of work, but it's fun. How has my fellow VFer been?

--
When you feel like shit, take action, and move on.
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